Bobby
McFerrin sings, "Now listen to what I said, in your life expect some
trouble

But
when you worry, you make it double

But
don't worry, be happy, be happy now."

He's
definitely onto something. Being a worry wart as I am, I most certainly feel
like I make the situation way worse by dwelling too much. I came to a point in
late January where I ended up taking myself to the hospital. A few nights
before, while en route home from Iowa, I had started experiencing chest pains
that hurt my breathing. With that came headaches that were so uncomfortable
that even my teeth hurt. Both of these are very rare for me. I rarely get
headaches, and other than maybe slight heartburn from eating late and then
going straight to bed, I never experienced chest pains to this degree, either.
The week had been a bit stressful for me, but I hadn't thought it was bad
enough to give myself an anxiety attack, so I thought I'd try to get a good sleep
and deal with this the next day. I didn't feel much better the next day, but I
just wanted to get back to our yard and see what I felt like then. I thought this
pain would go away once I was back in the yard safely. Unfortunately, it did
not, so I drove to the hospital at midnight that night. I got in quickly, and
the doctor did numerous tests to check my heart. All tests came out good, so he
suspected it was just heartburn. I didn't think that's what it was myself, but
I was content at least to know my heart was working as it should. That trip had
been a bit unpleasant because I was dealing with equipment repairs and weather
that was quite unfavourable. I didn't feel overwhelmed, but maybe my body
absorbed that stress more than I knew.

Within
the next day or so, I felt normal again. However, the next week, I ended up under
some work-related stress again and got the same headache and chest pains back.
Now I thought all this pain was due to my work worries and stress. Thankfully,
it wasn't as severe this time and didn't last as long.

I
don't know how others deal with life on the road and its stress, but my mind is
a constant whirlwind of thoughts, especially in the winter. I'm not a "go
with the flow" type of gal. I once saw a Facebook meme that said,
"I'm not a ride-or-die type of girl. I need to know where we are going,
who's driving, how long it will take to get there, etc." This is me in a
nutshell!!

When
I hear about weather warnings or real cold spells on their way, I'm always
trying to plan ahead. I'm thinking about where I will get fuel, and I call
ahead to truck stops to ensure their pumps are working. I don't know about
everyone else, but I'm finding so many truck stops these days have fuel pumps
that are out of order, and that's often on good weather days as well. I try to
plan my trip accordingly to put in #1 diesel or make sure that I have access to
enough additives. Another issue is getting DEF at the pumps. In the cold, many
of the pumps are frozen, so I have to look for alternate places or buy jugs of
it. If the cold spell spans more than a few days, truck stops are often out of
the jugs. Then I worry about idling my truck in the cold if need be. I've
definitely had my share of emissions-related issues after excessive idling.
This definitely isn't my first rodeo!

I
find that many people don't realize that we drivers spend most of our time in
trucks and have to deal with issues daily. I can't speak for anyone but myself,
but many days I get to a breaking point and wonder if this is even the life I
want to have anymore. I eat, sleep, breathe and live trucking and my company. I
try to remain positive, but some days it's a struggle. Even one small
insensitive comment can ruin a whole day or trip for me. I don't like having
negativity in my life, and although I know it will always be there to some
degree, I hate letting it get the better of me.

I
give 150% every day, and some drivers give, let's say, 85%. At the end of the
day, it seems we are all painted with the same brush. The other day, I vented
to a good friend, and he told me not to think that way. He reminded me that, in
the end, it's my reputation that matters the most. He explained that it isn't
necessarily a competition but what sets me apart from the others.

Even
when I take a few days off from the road, I feel like I'm still thinking about
work stuff. Checking the upcoming weather reports, planning my trips to work
around personal appointments, etc. The only time I really shut my brain off
from work mode is when I take vacations. I tell people that I work to pay for holidays.
It's the only time I feel like I can live in the moment and enjoy what's
happening around me. Luckily for me, I have a big vacation to Italy and Greece
in the works for this summer. I'll be able to send one of those typical emails
to the staff saying, "I'll be out of the office from this date to that
date, so please forward all your questions and concerns to someone else because
I'll be soaking up the sun!" (LOL)